What You Missed This Weekend
It’s been called a walking pinecone, a dragon and a modern-day dinosaur. It’s not particularly fearsome, cute or useful. It’s nocturnal, skittish — it actually curls itself into a rollable ball when it feels threatened — and decidedly ugly. But the pangolin is the hottest ticket on the international black market for animal smugglers. And it might go extinct before you even get the chance to see one in person.
Over the weekend, both Chinese and Australian ships detected acoustic sonar “pings” that may be coming from the black box of missing Malaysian Airlines Flight 370. Authorities took care to stress that the pings were “unverified,” and the area they were emanating from is over four-and-a-half kilometers deep. So don’t get your hopes up yet.
Bemoan the phablet all you want. Consumers have spoken and they demand comically gargantuan screens to hold up to their faces. A leaked set of internal Apple slides makes the case that Apple will finally offer a Samsung-sized screen on the upcoming iPhone. But don’t think it’s because they want to.
In your daily reminder that science is frickin’ awesome, scientists have created an injectible microparticle filled with oxygen that completely negates the troublesome necessity of breathing. We fully expect this to make an appearance in the next Bond movie.
We like to think of psychopaths and sociopaths as somehow being outside the norm. They are maladjusted killers, easily spotted and avoided. The truth is a bit more uncomfortable than that. The scary truth is you can have one for a friend, a family member, or a spouse. Hell, you might even be one. Here’s what to look for.
Anna Kendrick and the Nasty Girls went on a world tour. A world tour of dongs.
Food activists and anti-regulation libertarians have teamed up to demand that unprocessed and unpasteurized or “raw” milk be legalized. Proponents claim that heating milk during the pasteurization process kills powerful enzymes that promote good health and can even cure things like asthma and autism. Regulators point out that 80% of outbreaks associated with milk have occurred in states that have legalized raw milk. Unpasteurized milk has also been tied to at least two cases of paralysis and at least a dozen cases of kidney failure. This is why we only drink chocolate milk.
This season, the world’s premiere auto racing series made the absolutely boneheaded decision to set a minimum weight limit that combines the weight of both the driver and the car. It can costs millions of dollars to shed a couple of pounds from an already incredibly light carbon fiber race car. It just costs the health of the driver to force him to lose a couple of pounds. So just one month into the F1 season, a driver has already been hospitalized due to his extreme diet.
Next year you’ll barely remember Candy Crush, but Tetris will never die. It took Frank J. Lee over 20 years, but over the weekend he finally played the world’s largest game of Tetris on the facade of a 29-story office building in downtown Philadelphia. Last year, Lee and his team played Pong. Next year, we humbly request that they play Donkey Kong.
Margarita Torres and José Manuel Ortega del Rio made headlines this week when they claimed to have discovered the vessel Jesus drank from the night before he died in a museum in Spain. There’s just a couple of problems with this. First: if you found it in a museum, you didn’t discover it. Second: the cup is made of more bling than the goblet of Flava Flav’s gaudiest desires. There’s simply no way a humble carpenter could afford that sort of bling. In short: The search for the Holy Grail continues.
Before you groan, hear us out. In what situation would you feel comfortable telling a complete and total stranger the following bits of information: Your full name, date of birth, address, height, (actual) weight, eye color, hair color, gender, and if you’re an organ donor. We can’t think of any. So why do we not bat an eye when a bartender or bouncer asks us for our licenses? We guess we’re just that desperate for a drink